Wolverines Are Kind Of Jerks But Vampires Are Ok

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As my friend Deals has more important things to do than blog these days, such as care for a newborn,  I suppose the task falls to me to share our text exchanges with the world. You’re welcome.

The texts followed repeated messages left on her voicemail begging her to find someone who is

  • Not pregnant
  • Doesn’t have a suckling infant attached to their waist
  • Not planning a wedding
  • Has no shame in asking their friends for money (for a good cause, really!  It isn’t padding my 401K.  Although I am taking personal donations.)

Deals: Sorry I suck at returning phone calls!
Deals: I always mean to and then forget
Deals: Having a baby is very distracting
Me: I’ve noticed. What are you doing today?
Deals: Feeding baby, washing dogs, feeding baby, going to store, feeding baby, etc.
Deals: This three hour loop is exhausting
Deals: Did you find anyone for ur committee? I would do it myself if I didn’t have a brand new Banner.
Me: I know. I would have totally recruited you if Thor wasn’t keeping you busy.  Still need committee members so if you know anyone who is interested let me know.
Me: I was just feeling guilty for not seeing you guys.
Me: I think he can smell my fear.  Are you sure he’s not a wolverine?
Deals: Vampire actually, he hates the sun
Me: Well at least I can relate to vampires. I was worried because wolverines are kind of jerks.
Deals: I just feel terrible I’ve been so bad about calling u back!
Me: You get a pass til Thor turns 18 but after that I hold you responsible

The moral of the story is that wolverines are kind of jerks but vampires are ok. That, and people with babies can’t be responsible for their actions or inaction.

 

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5 responses »

  1. Your friends’ babies are vampires too? What is the world coming to? We really do need to start arming for the zombie apocalypse because they are clearly the next to rise up!

  2. I talk from experience when I say, that it will probably only be when Thor is in his 20’s that you will have Deals back. When he is over being a vampire and he gets mobile he is going to turn into a speed freak and then when he turns 13 he is going to turn into a Zombie/Vampire and stay that way till his 20’s

  3. Well that’s something to look forward to… good thing I’m just the weird friend who will pop by and give him unsolicited advice and make him feel better about his “uncool” parents.

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